My Struggle with Self Care

I've told you all this before, but one of the most important parts about this blog and who I am is vulnerability. I'm not afraid to talk about my flaws, feelings, and failures. Today's post is a little bit about something I've been failing at: self care.

On May 28th, I packed my bags, jumped on an Amtrak train, and made my way here to NYC with very little knowledge of anything and knowing very few people in the city. I was so so excited for my internship and living in a brand new place to explore. However, I was even more unprepared than I thought.

When the summer began, I was energetic, explorative, and just in awe of this great city. I remember I'd go to every neighborhood of Manhattan, taking too many pictures, drinking too much coffee, and just smiling up at the buildings. Now, two months later, I'm still very much in love with the city, but I'm very tired and looking forward for a two week break from the city.

So, I'm going to be real, this summer in NYC hasn't been 100% incredible. I don't want my Instagram posts to think that I'm smiling 24/7 and I'm just breezing by here in the Big Apple.

I've learned: NYC IS TOUGH.  It's an incredible city, but it's not easy in any sense of the word.

In New York, you've got to deal with living in a small space (most likely with other people), walking through the streets with all of the crowds, dealing with public transportation and lots of traffic, lots of tourists, and more. It's just a lot jam packed in a small amount of square footage. 

The trick to thrive in NYC? SELF CARE.

Unfortunately, this city has really shown me just how bad I am about it. Lots of my friends know this.

I don't sleep enough. I don't eat correctly. I don't drink enough water. I don't give myself a break. I push myself too hard and overestimate what I can handle. I overbook myself. I put other's happiness before my own. I apologize too much.

Self care isn't natural to me. Frankly, I'm way too hard on myself. I'm my own worst enemy.

I think it has to do with the fact that I'm adopted. Because I started my life abandoned, I subconsciously don't feel like my own self is worth my time, if that makes sense. That's why I apologize all the time and make sure to work hard to help others. I'm so grateful for everyone that has supported me that I don't want to waste time on myself.

That isn't the way it should be though - I deserve to take care of myself, but that's something I've been working on. 

New York is so busy and bustlin' that each person here has to take even more extra time to make sure that you're taking care of yourself. If you don't, you can start feeling very overwhelmed and lonely in a crowded city. I can honestly say that this summer, this city has chewed me up a bit and spit me back out a bit. Frankly, I expected it to.

That doesn't mean I don't love it here - NYC is hands down one of the best cities in the world and honestly, I don't see myself living anywhere else. It's just that I need to alter my routines and master just how to live here properly because it's not as easy as it could seem.

That's part of the reason that you haven't seen a blog post from me in the last month - I've been working a lot and trying to figure out how to take care of myself during this exciting, yet stressful, time. 

Taking that extra step and making time for yourself and your own needs isn't natural to everyone (like myself), but in a city as hectic as NYC, it is essential. No one is going to tell you have to take care of yourself - you've got to push yourself to do it.

How do you practice self care? Please let me know in the comments & on social media because I can use all the help I can get!

Thanks for reading,