Today I wanted to write something a little bit more on the personal side. I wanted to write about something that has been on my mind quite a lot recently. Today, I want to talk about forgiveness.
Now, I’m not talking about other people forgiving you or you forgiving other people. Actually, I want to talk about the battle that not many people discuss: forgiving yourself.
As a human on this earth, you are going to make mistakes. You are going to be careless. You aren’t going to think every single thing through, and things might get messy. That is one of the crazy parts of life that can be fun and harmful at the same time.
With all of this, you are going to offend people. You are going to upset people. You might even ruin relationships. I know this sounds a little harsh, but isn't it true?
All of this is a part of life because no one is perfect and the world doesn’t revolve daily without things like that constantly.
However, each time it happens, it feels pretty bad. Now, this might just be me, but I feel like I need to focus all of my attention on fixing what I had messed up.
Let's Set the Scene
Let’s say you’ve done something to upset someone. You’ve mentioned something you shouldn’t have, you did something that hurt them, or you just didn’t think through your actions.
You've made them upset. Immediately, you feel awful. you feel terrible. You don’t know what to do.
You apologize and apologize over and over again making sure they don’t hate you and want to stop being your friend.
They say “it’s fine” or “let’s move on” or “chill.” Everything moves to a different focal point.
However, after that, your brain is still racing: "Are they being serious? Do they hate me? Will this be our last time together? What’s going to happen?"
Your stomach drops, your head hurts, and your world starts spinning.
You then get mad at yourself: "Why were you so stupid? How dare you do that to your friend? You’re horrible!"
You might even then cry.
Now, this might all be something that I only do because I tend to get very anxious in situations like this. However, I’m assuming that you respond in some way that may be a toned down version of this or something similar
How do you forgive yourself?
That’s the problem - I don’t know. You honestly can be your worst enemy sometimes because you are so hard on yourself.
The only person you truly have to deal with at all times is yourself. You never escape yourself.
You can't have alone time from yourself. You are always there.
That’s why it is SO IMPORTANT that you are able to have a discussion with yourself and cope with what has occurred.
You messed up. You asked what you could do to make it better and you apologized. Now, YOU have to move on. However, it isn’t that simple.
Some Tips from Personal Experience
Now, this post isn’t coming from thin air. I’ve certainly had several experiences where I’ve screwed something up and upset people. This is because I’m human and I make mistakes. However, each time it happens, I feel horrible about it.
From my multiple experiences, I can muster up some broad tips that you may be able to work with on how to cope with yourself:
Seriously I know it sounds silly, but check in with yourself and make sure you are breathing.
2) LET IT OUT. If you need to cry, cry.
Don't hold it back. It will feel great to just let it out.
3) After that initial “I’m sorry,” give them space.
Don't text them over and over again. Trust me, I've done it. Give them 24 hours or at least a night before getting back in touch with them.
4) Remind yourself that you are HUMAN and things like this happen.
This might sound like mumbo jumbo when you're upset, but it's TRUE.
5) Enjoy the company of friends who will support you through this.
Hang out with loved ones if you can. You don't even have to tell them what happened. Just say you need their company.
SLEEP. Being anxious and apologetic is exhausting. Take the day off.
Have any of you had a similar experience with forgiving yourself? Do you struggle with it as well? Do you have any advice on how to do it? (Because I always need it)
Thank you all so much for reading! I will have some new posts up soon!
email me: firstname.lastname@example.org