"Are you okay, Fletcher?" Well, sorta.
Friends!!! Hi. Hello. Bonjour. Hola. Greetings.
How is everyone? I feel like I haven't written a personal life updates post in a while. I've disconnected from so many of you. How are you? Are finals stressing you out? Are you excited about the holiday season? Please reach out. I want to catch up.
Today, I wanted to write a blog post because I feel like I've let a lot of you down and I wanted to explain why. Vulnerability and honesty are values that are very important to me, so I wanted to explain why i might be acting unlike I usually do.
What's going on, Fletch?
So, I don't know if you've noticed, but this semester, I haven't really been myself. I've been less social. Less creative. Less motivated. I wrote all about this in my Sophomore Slump blog post back in October. However, it hasn't really gotten better. I'm still not motivated or energetic. I'm still anxious. I'm still nervous.
I overbooked myself this semester to the point where I was always stressed every single day about something. I had so much anxiety every day that it made me so tired that I stopped doing so many fun things.
I stopped making attempts to hang out with friends. I stopped going out with friends on the weekends. I stopped responding to texts. I stopped being myself.
I've stopped responding to "How are you?" with "good." Now, I just say, "Um, I'm not doing the best, but I'm getting through it."
It's really been a struggle that I've caused for myself. I have such huge goals and aspirations, but this semester, I've felt so drained and overworked that I feel like I haven't been able to do anything. Also, I've always genuinely love getting to know new people and building relationships, and I just haven't done that this semester. I'm so sorry to anyone that was disappointed or upset because of that. I'm genuinely so sorry.
However, after this semester and 2016, things are going to change. I'm going to make sure they change because I can't live life like this anymore. Here are some things I'm doing to improve my happiness...
Be more thankful and less self-deprecating.
I'm so thankful for everyone in my life. Seriously, people are so selfless and kind to me that I don't understand it. Well, I'm not very good at showing how grateful I am for the people in my life. If you know me, you know I apologize about everything all the time.
Self deprecation is something that I do constantly: "I'm sorry for wasting your time. I'm sorry for bothering you. I'm sorry for talking too much."
People are constantly telling me not to do that. I truly need to stop because it's making me question my self worth. Rather than doing that, I'm going to work to be more obviously thankful and return the kindness that is in my life.
I'm taking 13 credits instead of 18 credits in the spring.
Now, I know it might not make sense and I should probably continue to take another class in order to get all of my classes done to graduate. However, this semester has been so tough and so exhausting that I think I need to give myself a little space to breathe (I took a total of 7 classes). So, I will be taking 3 classes, working at Live Oak (on a different team), and I will have no class on Tuesday and Thursday. This will allow me to make sure I'm doing okay, catch up on work, and possibly get a job (maybe at another coffee shop down here in NC?)
I'm finally going to actually make self-care a priority.
I've been so busy and stressed and I haven't thought about my sleeping patterns, eating patterns, and own sanity. Next semester, I'm going to make an effort to make sure I get at least 7 hours of sleep a night and am eating three healthy meals a day. I'm also looking to get a prescription for anxiety medication (again).
I'm going to be organizing my finances & other logistics of my life.
Money has always been something that has stressed me out. I won't go into details but I really need to make a more conscious effort to save money and make sure I'm budgeting it out. (And yes, I will be making a coffee budget.)
I'm also going to declutter, get organized, and start planning for the future. This will include where I'm living, internships, and more.
I'm going to make sure I'm making more content in a scheduled manner.
I tried to do that this year, but life started running me over. I'm still figuring out the logistics, but I'm going to be making sure I have 1 or 2 new pieces of content for you each week because you deserve that.
I'm going to try to do different kinds of content, like: vlogs, reviews, social media guides, personal stories, playlists, and more. I also really want to do more collaborations, so if you are interested, reach out! Stay tuned :)
I'm going to reconnect with friends and be more thankful.
Like I said before, I haven't made an effort to spend time with friends and family. I truly feel like my close friendships have dissolved. I'm going to make sure that the people in my life know how much I love them.
Seriously, I'm a mess most of the time and people have been so thoughtful and stuck with me through all of this. Thank you for being patient with me and putting up with me.
On the bright side...
This semester hasn't been all horrible though.
People haven't given up on me, and I'm eternally grateful. People are so kind and have been checking up on me and sending me love. I received an anonymous gift, a hand written letter, and lots of love and hugs. People are the best and I haven't been doing a good job being thankful and returning the favor. I'm so thankful, and I don't even know how to show it.
FeistyFletch is going to FLY... to Europe!
I'm going to stop babbling now. I hope this kind of explains why I've been acting weird and maybe not being as social & feisty as I usually am. I'm really working on being a better me.
On another note, I have exciting news that I mentioned a while ago online: I'm going to be going abroad in January. I will be going to Italy, France, Spain, and Portugal for 3 weeks taking an architecture course. I'm really excited because it is my first time out of the country (since being adopted).
With that in mind, I'm actually not even going to be bringing my computer abroad (both for safety and to clear my head). While I'm there, I might have some scheduled posts (still figuring that out), but I will definitely be posting lots of social media posts. So, the new and revitalized feistyfletch.com will begin around February 1st.
I genuinely hope that everyone has a happy holidays. Whether you are seeing family, traveling, or staying home in bed, I hope you are able to rest and revitalize for the new year. 2017 is going to be awesome – we can make it awesome.
Love each and every one of you. Thanks for not giving up on me. Thank you, thank you, thank you.